The Pedicure Dilemma

It’s spring and I’d like to start wearing sandals, but I’ve got to do something with my toenails first. The way I see it, I’ve have two choices: (1) give myself a pedicure, or (2) go to Walmart and pay the nice Chinese man to do it for me.

Let’s discuss option #1, Do it myself. DoJo prefers this option because it is cheaper and worth a few more laughs. Here’s the problem with #1…I’m not limber enough. Yes, I “work out” regularly, but my fitness routine doesn’t include hitching my foot up to my face, which is where it needs to be in order for me to actually SEE what I’m doing! I’ve done this before, but it caused my hip to lock up and DoJo had to assist me in getting my leg back into a normal position. What I really need is better eyesight. Usually, the Mr. Magoo bifocals work just fine…until it comes to toenails. My theory is that the stress of hitching my foot up so high puts too much stress on the optic nerve, which causes everything to look more blurry, which, in turn, makes it impossible to get a paint job that doesn’t look like I was high from inhaling polish remover during the process. So much for option #1

Option #2: Walmart pedicure with the nice Chinese man who doesn’t speak redneck. I could go for a little foreign pampering except for the fear that one of my precious students would be shopping at Walmart and would see me there. The problem, you ask? It is a SHOCK to their little psyches when they see their teacher out in public. I once saw a student in the toilet paper aisle and by Monday the entire school knew what brand I used and that I bought the mega-large package. Seriously, it throws off their chi. Imagine the damage it would cause if just one of the little buggers happened to walk by while Toe-Ming was making a small mountain of dead skin with his Makita belt sander! I’m not sure either one of us (me or student) could endure the lasting effects of such an encounter.

So…it appears I have some pedicure decisions to make. (1) Add yoga to my fitness routine and buy some of those magnifying glasses Dr. McDreamy wears on Grey’s Anatomy OR (2) use DoJo’s ‘fro wig and sunglasses for a Walmart experience. I feel a humiliating experience coming on.