Monday, July 19, 2010

Trophy Wife

Some time ago, I read a Dear Abby column about a man of retirement age who was upset that his 59-year-old "trophy wife" wanted to let her hair go grey. Since then, I've been thinking about what a real trophy wife is and I've decided that I am one. DoJo is NOT retiring, and I'm YEARS from 59, but just take a look at me...I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU...I'm hot. Like literally H-O-T! Not hot like high school girls dreamily declare "Edward is sooooo hot!" Not hot like Thigh-Masters or PedEggs. Not even hot like Sean Connery or Clint Eastwood in their golden years. No, I'm just plain ol' hot like my core temperature is 110 degrees Celisus. Hot like back sweat. Hot like a dog with his head out the car window just trying to catch a breeze. Yes, I'm HOT! And I've got a picture to prove it. (See below.)I'm smiling here because when a person gets too hot, a sense of disorientation, confusion, and hallucinations set it, which are all symptoms of heat stroke, a mallady known only to those of us who get
Isn't DoJo lucky to have a trophy wife? Besides that, take a look at my work...(see below)
I mow on the diagonal twice a month! Who could ask for more than that? However, I will say I'm getting pretty sick of passerbys stopping to ask me if I speak english and how much I charge per hour. Seriously people, get your own trophy wife. I'm all DoJo's!

By the way, Abby's reply to the stupid guy who was worried about his wife's grey hair was "even black cats are grey in the dark." Like duh! Who cares if her hair is gray? Can she mow on the diagonal? Those corners are tough you know!


  1. That was great!!! I've decided I'm a trophy wife as well! My hair has silver in it, the lady at the bank says I'm a lady who looks great with 'natural' hair! And....I can mow my lawn on the diagonal as well. I've never thought of myself as a trophy wife, but with your encouragement, now I do. Aren't trophies made of silver? I had it right all along.

  2. haha. dang i love you. you just made my morning. :)